No porn today. And almost no ejaculation. I started it, could have stopped… but then I made the mistake of thinking about my ex. That just made it too quick for me to hold back…
Only 1 day left. I decided: I’m gonna do some pc-muscle excercices after this ends tomorrow. I think, after I recognized this connection between sex and success in my brain, I need to learn to hold my energy back more efficiently. I believe, developing a stronger pc-muscle is another good step into that direction.
No porn today. I watched some pics of Lucy again, but I also searched for Sigmund Freud. I think his theory of the dexual development could give me a clue, where my fixation on boobs and sex comes from…
Goal reached and only 2 more days to go!
No porn. But I masturbated. Damnit!
I realized something a little disturbing: I didn’t feel motivated to do my work and persue my dreams all day. But when I just looked at a picture of Lucy pinder, I suddenly was motivated again! Something in my brain links women or sex to fun and motivation. Even in other areas of my life, work for example. Is this a relict of my old pua-days? Or is there a certain need for female energy and attention behind that? Something new to find out…
No porn and no masturbation. I concentrated on getting a little work done. That helped immensely with keeping my hands out of my pants. Even though my hands constantly were in my pants. but I didn’t masturbate!
I realized a growing anger towards myself the last days. I’m constantly trying to get my ass up and be motivated, but then I let myself get distracted again. but I must say that today was better than the last days, so I’m getting better at keeping my hands off the distractions.
I reached every goal today! Woo!
No porn today. One time masturbation in the morning and again in the afternoon. Fever makes me really horny.
I managed to spend a little less time at the computer. That was really hard at first. I realized, I started to cough more frequently (but maybe I just realized the normal coughing more often). My energy-level is really down. Maybe I should try to stop masturbating for the last days of the challenge, because the energy always came back when I held it all in.
No porn these days. I probably came a little close to it, when I watched some old funny european teen-movies from the 70’s on youtube. (because there you see a little more than today. seems like it was okay to show a vagina with hair and a limp dick on television).
I realized, that it’s very hard to stay motivated, when your body’s not working right. Because I was sick, I felt pain in my chest the whole day, couldn’t relax and therefore not concentrate. That’s why I watched movies all the time… to distract myself from the bad feeling. Wow… it’s been a while, that I really RAN AWAY from a feeling…I’m still sick, so from now on I stop watching movies all the time and try to do a little more silence. Meditation is still too hard, because my mind automatically wanders to the pain in my chest, but maybe I can do a little inner-game. Write down my thoughts and feelings.
Only 1 week left!
No porn and no masturbation. At least not until the ejaculation. One more day lying on the couch, drinking tea and watching movies. My hand slipped inside my pants quite often, but I used the hardness of my dick for training my pc-muscle. Now that’s a good use for an erection ;)
So, I reached my goal today and got a little bit healthier.
No porn these days. I’m sick again, so I spent most of the time on the couch. One realization proved to be true: I’m compensating porn with other sexual influences. Softer influences.
Like photoshoots of hot women. Other sexy videpclips. Or sex-hotline-tv-commercials. It’s not porn specificly. No sex on camera and the best: No faked emotions during the act.
I think, I could do a little porn. Not regularly. Just for spicing up the anticipation and maybe getting some new ideas. But I won’t do this now or the next time, because I’m not quite sure, if I could resist it, when I had it again. At least at the moment. Maybe with a more frequent social life this could be possible. Maybe a roommate would help? No… I have no idea, how I will compensate my lack of a social life right now. How does someone get people into his life, when he really doesn’t want any distraction from his work or hobbies…?
No porn. Just a very productive day.
In the evening I stumbled upon those sex-hotline -commercials again. The first thing that came to my mind was: “Wow … such uninteresting women. Look at their faces. Empty. No emotions. Just craving for attention”.
Then I realized how judgemental I wasat that moment. Those are women! Human beeings with feelings! And I did what every good man should do at that moment. I honored their performances with wanking off to them. Well… the sad thing is that I tried very hard to not look at their faces. as soon as I saw their empty faces, my excitement went down. So I forced myself to concentrate on their nice bodyparts.
So I basically trained myself to be sexist and superficial. That may sound completely sick, but: It felt good to be able to let go of my empathy for a moment.
I’m not sure if I could do that in real life though…
No porn and no masturbation. I tried to do it in the morning, but I lost the interest while doing it. I knew I had a lot of work to do, so I couldn’t really relax. Seems like the feeling of being fulfilled is essential for getting aroused.
Project: NoPorno! #2 